how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
