When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
