We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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