i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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