I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
