Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
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I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
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Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My ass is underappreciated
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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