His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
