my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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