So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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