What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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