I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
