I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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