I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
