What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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