i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
