Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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