I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
