Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
