this boner is exhausting
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
