Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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