You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
