based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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