This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
