So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She's the barista slut.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Couch. On fire.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
