we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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