Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
farters have to be the big spoon...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
