there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
