It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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