It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
