She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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