before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
