Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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