she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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