wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
