I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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