It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Randomize
