Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
