Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
