I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
