That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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