omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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