Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
