You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
