Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
