Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
sarcasm needs its own font
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
