so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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