brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
