one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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