I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
