Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Small penises have feelings too.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
