He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
