Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
