There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
