I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
