What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
