I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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