Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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