Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
We are two peas in an std pod
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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