you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
