Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Randomize
