Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
This toilet bowl is my home.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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