i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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