You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
