did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
