I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
