We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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