There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were destined to go to rehab together
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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