Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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