my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
