how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
