Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
