if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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