I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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