two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
