quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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