so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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