Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
