There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
