He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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