oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
is that a dick in a sweater?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
