I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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