bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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